I have had enough of being blamed for everything and I am certainly not going to end up in prison without publishing the whole truth first. I'm firmly sticking to my decision. If the court case stays on, I will be ending my life the night before. I'm not happy now that certain facts have come out. And, I will not be sent to prison. I would rather be dead. It is imperative that people listen to what I'm about to say because I'm not to blame for every thing. And I no longer want to be hated or have my character totally discredited any longer. I may have a past, however, I'm not the same person now. I've NEVER physically attacked anyone, and that is something that I would never do! Too much of this case has been based on assumptions caused by angry words said in a stressful situation. I'm hoping that the court sees this because they'll know how the case was built then and that I didn't actually deserve it. May I remind people that if the laws hadn't changed in 1997, people with disabilities wouldn't be labelled a criminal under the harassment act clauses. This goes back beyond when I started the university and I warn readers that it most likely will be extremely long. I will try to brief the time line of events as much as possible. All I've ever tried to do is help other people, despite my lack of social understanding associated with my disability. I am passionate to helping others and getting things changed to enrich the life's of others. I made this commitment at just 17 years old. I put all of my personal desires on hold. e.g having a relationship, children and even a career because I was given a record. A vast amount of people do not care about anyone else now. I can't be one of those. I see something that isn't fair or injustice in any form and I have to passionately go and at least try to sort it.
- During my son's adoption my support service was not helpful. They continually wound me up and caused me to become angrier and angrier. I was all over the place. Instead of seeing that was to do with the fact that my son was being ripped away (purely based on historical reasons and the fact that I've been labelled a criminal), they were trying to say I had ADHD tendencies and therefore my pleas for help should be ignored because I'm never settled etc.
- There was a staff member that I worked with at the organisation that left under a cloud of scandal. The manager and this person are still at odds today. The staff member had whistle blown about the manipulation and how things were run there.
- When I started university my support acted supportive. But this was just an act. The support service took another staff member that I got on with well away from me because I got stressed after my son's adoption went through and my behaviour problems surfaced. They didn't try to help me. The actions they took increased my feelings of inadequacy and abandonment fears. This is the time I met the person at the university. I may have majorly turned to them because of the actions of my support. I was always trying to hint in emails (well as far as I remember) about the stuff my 'support' service was doing. I OCD email when I'm am stressed and emotional. This occurred at the university. I was honest. I told them that it was part of my disability and I could not promise not to do something that I knew I wouldn't be able to stick to if I had to sign a contract etc. I don't believe in making promises that I can not keep. It isn't honest. That is something that I am. I'm brutally honest. If a spade is a spade that is exactly what I call it. I'm also quite direct (which at times can sound insulting and quite mean if I'm in an angry mood). This is part of Asperger Syndrome. That is not a choice. I was basically punished for being honest and upfront. I was taught that this was the best way to be by those that I have known. I find it very hard not to honest and indirect when communicating.
- To cut a long story short. I was eventually excluded permanently from the university. I couldn't stick to their conditions and I told them this time and time again. I was quite a shy person and I learnt to communicate in writing rather than verbal. I still find it quite hard to not be shy when verbally communicating. However, I've never been good at expressing myself effectively and clearly. I miss important bits out and it can literally completely change the meaning of what you're trying to say. I wanted to challenge the exclusion. But I was told by my support service that I had to tell the university I didn't want to. But, that was the most hurtful thing I had to do because it was completely what I didn't want to do. I wanted to try to go back. That made me even more upset because I was being forced into a decision that I didn't want to make... in my opinion, it was made for me and I just had to tell the university what another person's decision was for me.
- I then said things in anger. I take responsibility for them, but I do not agree that things shouldn't be held against me for life. I think that I have been overly punished. This makes me more upset and I cannot help that because I do have abandonment issues due to my past. A huge trigger to my behaviour problems are those issues. It turns out that my support service fueled those issues by playing us off against each other. I have recently found out via a third party, that the support service told the other person involved not to talk to me. Then proceeded to tell me for at least TWO years later that if the person cared they'd talk to me. I was basically manipulated into thinking that they didn't care and they'd got me excluded from the university on purpose. That is why all those angry words were said. I was made to believe that the other person deserved those angry words.
- Then, when it came to the court case, my support told me I had to plead guilty, and my solicitor said it didn't matter about the circumstances I had to make a guilty plea. They could mention mitigating circumstances but I would still get convicted. During the court case when they made an indefinite restraining order. We were waiting for the magistrates to come back. The support manager was going on about the staff member that had tried to whistle blow on their manipulation of the clients. The solicitor I used actually knew of this staff member because he also used to work for the appropriate adult service within the criminal justice system. However, they didn't know him well enough to know if the support manager was telling the truth about him or not. There have since been other staff members that have suddenly left that organisation and launched employment tribunals etc. All the magistrates did was send me back to work with the organisation that had already failed me. They put me back into the situation that was toxic to me. And they also made the restraining order indefinite, taking me away from the only person that I felt would benefit me. It made it even worse that the support staff stood there knowing exactly what they'd manipulated behind my back. They knew I missed the other person and didn't want the wedge of hard feelings between us anymore. I was crushed inside. And I only managed to repress how I felt for the next few months, then I had to tell them I couldn't stand their service anymore. This was way before I found out the truth.
- I was threatened by the manager to keep my mouth shut at the time I ended the service. But, I cannot do that anymore. I have others hating me who I don't want to lose forever. I seriously want others to reconsider. They can't do that unless the events that occurred are laid out for them to make their own judgement. I have had such nasty things said to me. And, I just don't want any more nastiness exchanged. I long for peace and forgiveness. I wish that people would see me for who I really am, not the result of the manipulation that has happened in this situation. I'm not lying. I'm literally putting everything that has happened in a hope that finally people will listen to me. I don't deserve to be hated. I don't deserve an order on my name for life. I'm fully prepared to take the convictions because I did say those nasty things due to being manipulated. I just can't stand things being the way they are forever.