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Dealing With AS
If you have AS here is a list of things that you can do to help make your life more easy:
- Firstly, you have a choice whether to tell the people around you and hope that they understand. If you do decide to do this and they don't understand, subsequently starting to make your life harder. Then it would be a good idea to get away from them as soon as you see those signs. People who don't understand why you act the way you do can cause major issues. As an Aspie, you need to try and keep people who are going to make your emotions run high with anger, sadness, etc., at a distance. Once you've distanced yourself from these people, never ever let them back in your life again. Do not to think of them and if you do just try to replace them with a TRUSTWORTHY person.
- If you develop obsessions either with people, objects or an interest, it is ok as long as you don't let it take over your life. If your obsession is a person it can be a dangerous thing. You must not act too over powering. There is a point when you must somehow turn that obsessional feeling into a purely friendship basis feeling if you want that person to stay in your life. It is not a good idea to go see them too often, don't write too often, and definitely don't repeatedly call them. It is important to distance yourself from this kind of obsession because obsessions with people can go seriously wrong. In regards to objects or interests are concerned, try not to put them first before doing the things you have to in life.
- We are perceived as being different by other people. This is always a bad aspect of being an Aspie. The names you get called are names like weird, freak, geek etc. There is a way that we can help ourselves though. First, start with eye contact. We don't like to make it, and that is okay. But, there are times when you must make eye contact because if you don't, it could cause problems. These times are when you are talking to someone face to face and it's just you and them. Then the times when you have to stand up for yourself against someone. The times when you are addressing a group either in school, college or work. These are the only times you must force yourself to make eye contact with people. The next point relates to the way we think. The majority don't think the way we do, so we must try extra hard to pick up unwritten social cues that other people give out. You must not say too much and don't say everything that comes in your head because some things that we think, other people just wouldn't understand.
- It is important to try never ever let having AS get you down. We are all different for a reason. There's no such thing as weird or abnormal because there's no such thing as normal. Hold your head up high and make the best of the traits you have been given, you never know you could use them to your advantage :) Good Luck!
Advice to help AS people:
- Nagging them every time they do something wrong or that you dislike is never effective. They aren't probably aware that you disliked what they have done because they haven't got the social skills to empathize. The best thing to do is calmly tell them they've made a mistake even if it's a repeated mistake.
- When you are upset emotionally about something and an AS person acts like they don't care and doesn't give you any sympathy try not to be offended and get angry at them because again it's hard for Aspie's when emotions are at their strongest. They are emotional but they can't deal with other peoples well. There are some Aspie's who have learned to cope in these circumstances.
- Aspie's aren't very 'lovey dovey' type of people so don't expect them to want to receive hugs etc because they shy away from affection. They prefer just to have their own space and if you're an affectionate person you must try very hard not to take it personally when they shy away from your hugs etc, it's not you it's just the way they are. Again, not all Aspie's do this because some have learned to adapt to affection in relationships as they get older.
- If an Aspie chooses you as their 'safe person' act like one to them don't say to them 'get lost' or something along them lines when they have learnt to trust you. They see something in you and they have chosen you for a reason, you have what they are looking for at that time. You maybe what they'd like to be and will look at you as the person who will help them to be that way. Trouble is in this situation the 'safe person' tends to run away which can knock an Aspie so hard. One thing you should NEVER do to an Aspie is befriend them so that they learn to trust you and then just drop them at a later date.
- One thing that I think you should all know though. It may not seem like it but underneath Aspies do want to be social able but they just can't naturally do it. They do try so hard to fit in and be the best they can be for people. It can come out wrong to the rest of the world. But really they do try ever so hard and I know from being one that we put everything into whatever we do and try hard for people. It is important not to put Aspie's down because they lack confidence due to their social problems any way. The main rules - Don't Nag: If you nag Aspies they just end up not being able to think straight and doing something else you'll disliked. - Let them be independent: Just because they have Aspergers syndrome doesn't mean they can't be independent, let them make their own decisions at least so that they will be learning from their own mistakes. Also don't get at them if they make a decision that turns out to be a mistake because in their own mind they'll be beating themselves up about it without you starting on them too.
Well I hope I've been of some help to you with dealing with people with AS.