Welcome to A.S.S.G.O

I know that I haven't blogged since Saturday but to be honest I don't feel like it much right now. I am not going through a serious bad patch but it comes and goes. I can go from happy to sad several times in a day. I can't stay in one mood for long. I think the last few months of my life is just catching up with me. I never really had the chance to grieve properly for my dad because I buried my head in coursework that needed to get finished for my college course. I still can't quite believe that he is no longer around. I do miss him and it's still weird being at home with just my mum. I'm not the only one feeling it though as it's only been 4 months, mum is still cursing god all the time. She gets angry quite a lot because she feels that it's unfair that he still isn't around. I'm sure dad's side of the family miss him although we haven't spoken much since. I still feel it's my duty to keep in touch as I'm part of them too because of being dads daughter. I still should have mentioned something when I had that dream before christmas, but I didn't know it was going to happen so quickly. I've changed since dad passed over though. I don't know why or how it happened but I feel different. I am more connected with everything and everyone. I have stronger abilities in all aspects too. I'm not sure how this could happen but I can only assume that it's influences from the 'other side'. I have always been able to feel things or pick up vibes from people and places; it's never been this accurate and strong though. I am fully aware that not everyone believes in those sorts of things. I was even sceptical before I accepted my abilities. I used to think I was a freak and that it somehow made me mad. I now realise that I'm not, I have been told by leaders of spiritual churches who do the connecting with the other side thing for a living, that my abilities are a huge part of my purpose in life. I don't seem to be able to rely on them though as they are still kind of unpredictable and I'm not able to pick up things on demand. I am sure peoples relatives come to me in dreams because I don't always know the people that I dream about. I know they are probably only coming to me because I'm someone that people would talk to. I'm certainly not sure how to approach a living person saying that I've got a message from a person which I'm not even sure is for them. It's really not an easy thing to do because people tend to get worried about things they don't understand. I have had my dad come to me in dreams twice since he died. Once was the night of the day he died. And the last time was a few months ago. First time was him looking round my door and saying hello like he used to do in life. I think that was to try to convince me that he was ok because I was worried he was going to get lost or something. Then the last one was him sitting in a chair saying he was more ill than he thought and wanted to admit before it happened. I'm still not sure if he is ok but in both of my dreams he seemed it. I know that I am lucky to have dreams with messages in as some people aren't able to do it. So many people will never get to experience it. I sometimes don't like it but it's nice that I'm trusted to have these gifts and the spirits that visit my dreams must see comfort within me. If the things that I have read on the 'other side/afterlife' is accurate then it must be very scary at first. I've heard that it takes at least 20 years for the spirits of the passed over to settle into the new way of existence. I try to comfort and reassure the people (well ex people in a way) when they visit my dreams. I will always look out for the people they left behind. I was very hostile towards them at first, I wanted them to not come to me but eventually I had to just give in. I now drop messages in from those dream visiting spirits to people in conversation and emails if I'm talking to someone online. I don't make it obvious that it's from them I just hope it jogs their memories so they are helped by it in some way. I have to be extremely careful that I don't say too much. I just put what I feel or what my mind is telling me to do now. I found that is the best way instead of trying to fight it, if you try to do that then it all gets mixed up and comes out wrong. I'm told that I seem familiar by a lot of people I have during my life. I don't think it's me that is familiar to them, I think I'm kind of a messenger and I've moved around so much because my purpose was to help people. I know it sounds insane but it's the truth. There are many things we don't fully understand and many things we'll never know about this world. It's karaoke tonight and I'm thinking I probably will go. I was due to have my key skills maths exam tuesday but that girl was there and started getting at me again. I refused to do it with her in there so I'm hoping they are going to rearrange my exam due to the circumstances which I emailed to all the vital people in the college. I have also reported this girl to the place she volunteers helping people with autism after a comment I overheard her make to other people waiting to go into the exam which she was trying to aim at me. Basically I went in there, she said hello to the person behind me. Then I walked past her and she said nastily 'I'm not speaking to you!'. Then she proceeds to have a conversation with a few of the people who I used to be in the same class as. She told them that she was going to a training session with this autism place she works/volunteers for, that they were teaching them that people with autism use their condition as an excuse for inappropriate sexual actions and behaviour. At that point I just walked off and didn't end up doing the exam. I had a staff member with me from the place I live in as my witness to the things that happened.