Welcome to A.S.S.G.O

Sorry I haven't wrote on here for a while had things to do that made me forget about blogging. I'm suppose to be heading to college by now but I have a fear of people badly at the moment. I'm working up to facing everyone together. I look and feel a mess now. I am probably going to get told off when the manager of the home comes in at 9 for not having gone yet. I'm going to aim to be there at break time. I just need to chill out before and get ready for college relaxed instead of stressy. I straightened my hair last night then fell asleep, so I have wavy bits in it. I'm wearing my hair with a frindge now most of the time. I don't mind most of the wavy bits as long as my frindge is not that wild looking. I'm going to put coconut oil on it just to make it look a little bit more healthy rather than straightened to death. It is getting better but any type of styling drys it out regardless whether you use anti burn products. I am needing new straighteners too as mine keep steaming which I don't think they originally did when I first got them. I've been lucky with my straightners they've lasted me years. I have heard of several cases where this year where girls have recieved hair straightners for christmas presents and they caught fire. It's really not a comforting thought since you put them in your hair. I've set my hair on fire before by accident and had to cut the part out that had burnt. I was lighting a fag when I last smoked in the summer of last year. I don't smoke regularly it was just relaxing to have a little walk in the lighter warmer nights smoking a fag and chilling out. I went off the idea after that due to not liking the smell that lingered on me afterwards. It was also the time when I gave up on nail extensions because I was sick of the constant going for refils ever two or three weeks. I'm still trying to grow my own nails as a new years resolution. I am doing well so far although I've only been in 2010 for two weeks. I just need to get over my social fears now which is so very difficult due to my condition anyway. I am willing to prove that Aspergers can be over come it's just I am extremely nervous of getting hurt by people due to the past. I'm continually getting into arguements due to my opinions so that doesn't help. I'm feeling sick due to anxiety about going into college today. I know a lot of things have been said that probably isn't entily true and people believe anything they chose. I'm a spiritual person now which means I have to love everyone regardless of their faults. It's hard and I'm not sure how religious organisations find the ability to do that. I will not hate anyone and I will teach the world to do the same through a chain reaction. We have to stamp out terriorism, war, all the political shit that goes on throughout the world. It may not happen in my life time but I hope that one day there will be a peaceful world without them things. I am not talking about stamping out these things with conflict but there can be other ways. It just requires a little imagination and understanding and the ability to break through people's ignorance. We have to be proud of who we are as indivduals. We don't have to be in groups because that sometimes leads to bad things occuring. We have to keep our minds unlinked from others so that we can think for ourselves. Also in many close communities we have to quit gossiping about each others lives. It doesn't show that we like others, it shows that we are not loving other people in respect for who they are as individuals. I know that I've been bad in that way, even to the point of spreading rumours that weren't true but it's time to change. I am willing to admit that I did wrong before I followed the path of this spiritual stuff and I won't do it again. I am more commited to my beliefs than to any person I want as a friend. It has to be that way because no ones love and respect is worth all the hassle that comes with trying to be something you're not for them. It destroys the purpose of your path in life and could have so much impact on everyone and everything around you. I have to go now as I'm going to have to make it to college at some point today. I am sure the tutor will not even notice I'm not there anyway she never normally does, so am going to creep in as if shes not teaching like she normally doesn't then she isn't going to notice. I've missed her lessons a lot due to getting bored in her classes, miracles aren't going to occur now. I know my attendance is shit but maybe if other students didn't give me such a hard time then I would actually want to go to college.