Welcome to A.S.S.G.O

I can't help but be miserable as it doesn't feel like Christmas eve at all. There maybe Christmas decorations up and the television is mad with the spirit of Christmas but I'm just not in the mood.  I don't like who I am now as I've been a cow to everyone. I push everyone away by my fears of being alone. Then I end up alone anyway which is stupid. I do have a purpose here but I don't like it. I know that I'm connected spiritually to everyone that I've met and really I'm suppose to help them but I don't feel able to. I lied every single time I've nearly got to know someone. Then I never get to know them because they don't trust me. I'm never going to be able to make it up to those people however much I may want to through guilt. It also hurts the way they treat me now but I suppose I deserve it. I don't think that time can heal the things I said. The lies I've told trying to get my own way actually ruined my life completely. I want to become more spiritual to understand the psychic gifts I have and other things related like the past life I have had dreams about; but I'm not able to do what my actual purpose seems. My leg has gone down now and doesn't hurt anymore. I don't need my anti inflamatries anymore. I am also hoping that it stays down. I'm going to post another video of me singing as a christmas thing for my youtube and facebook fans.