Welcome to A.S.S.G.O

I was coping at the beginning of the whole thing but now it's sinking in I'm finding it difficult. I'm not feeling up to anything. I haven't done any of the college work that I have been sent much due to not feeling up to it. I know it's not a proper excuse but I can't force myself to do something that I can't emotionally handle. I have to go to the funeral on the 22nd anyway as I have no choice. I wish we could have just got it out the way so at least it would be final. It's like it is hanging in mid air. Dad needs to be put to rest then I can deal with it in my own way. I'm not looking forward to the funeral of course I'm not. I didn't even want this to happen for a long time yet. I just want to ring him like I used to when I got bored during the day. I am keeping a brave face on but it does hurt. I feel guilty that I weren't around. I haven't slept much the last few nights. I was a let down as a daughter. I got upset but that turned to anger towards everyone who has ever crossed me. I resented them for losing my Dad. No one is ever going to take advantage of me again and I won't let them call me names, I will just show them not to mess with me. We got Dad a train coffin that was eco friendly as we think he would like that.  There's been strange things going on since he died though. Both me and my Mum have met lots of people we used to know locally. I had a dream that scared the crap out of me as my Dad popped his head round the door and said hello. It wouldn't have scared me if he was alive but I knew that physically he no longer exists. Plus I couldn't see his head properly it was blurred but I recognised his voice and shape. Also tonight I know that I turned my light off and locked my door before I went out but when I got back in my light was on. Then later tonight a blank chat box popped up on my half sisters facebook from me and I hadn't noticed she was online let alone sent it. Then she told me that her door opened on its own the other day when I had told her what had happened earlier to me. If it is Dad then it just shows that the funeral should have been this week rather than next. It needs to be finalised. Even the deceased is restless by the looks of it. I don't really want him to pass on to the other side for good but it's kinder than keeping him here where i'll only disappoint him more.