Welcome to A.S.S.G.O

I have to do so many things that I'm really not keen on right. I know the next few months are going to be quite unpleasant as I'm having to do things that I never planned to do originally. I wanted my baby from the start but never wanted to end up in this position. I had planned to stay in the area that I'd settled in from the start. I knew it had it's bad points and the fact that I'd always be seen as someone who had come to live in an area through a care home and who had difficulties that were rather public at times. I was prepared to live with that kind of stuff because it's how it is in a small town.

Now everything has changed and I'm moving away due to circumstances. I have to move back into my mums as a temporary arrangement due to having to be out my flat by the middle of april. I'm trying to move my doctors but they aren't keen on taking me on until I've officially moved into the area. I seriously need to make sure I am registered soon as need to get maternity services sorted. I have to register with a doctors in order to go to the hospital where I want to have my baby where I'm relocating. I want to make sure every one knows how I want to give birth. I really want to make sure that they know what painkillers I want during labour. This is specifically for the purposes that I don't want to end up having to go through too much pain when it can be prevented if the plan states I've requested pain killers. I know it's going to be painful but I'm prepared to go through it now. I've psyched myself up enough to be ready for the pain that is to come. He's getting bigger every day. I'm starting to feel like a walking balloon slowly. It's not too bad yet, but it's getting there. I get used to having my bladder head butted and him kicking me like mad when he has his active times. It felt rather weird when he first got bigger as his movements felt so alien. But now I am used to it and probably will miss him wiggling around when he's out of me. I'm really not as big bumped as some people I have met at the same stage as me. I think I'm all baby though as I've not got a lot of water in my ankles much. I do get swollen ankles a bit but it's not majorly annoying yet. I probably will fill up with water in the next few weeks as I get towards the birth, not many women get away with no major bumpage in the last few weeks. I've already had pains but I think that was down to getting my stomach getting cold, seriously getting limited on the tops I can still fit into at this point. I wouldn't be surprised with all the stress I'm going through right now. As I type this the baby keeps kicking his foot up. He seems really content most of the time in there.

I'm not keen on moving back to my mums. I never really wanted to live with her again. I've already moved out and become independent. I don't want to go backwards. I don't feel great right now. I just have so many things to sort out it's tiring just thinking about it. I'm just stressed given the situation. I have decided that anyone who isn't around right now when I need them doesn't get to have me as a friend in the future. If they can't be bothered with me when times are as crap as this for me then they can't have me in the good times. I'm looking forward to having a bath later. I'm completely worn out and ache under the ever increasing baby weight pressure. I'm slowing down now as much as I can given everything I have to sort out. I'm not pleased with other people who aren't talking to me or being supportive right now. It pisses me off. I may sometimes deserve to be blanked quite a lot, but not when I need support. They can treat me however they like normally as I deserve it. I just can't handle it right now. I know that at times I'm a moody demanding cow at times, but at this time I wasn't just trying it on. In this case I was reaching out to whomever around me.