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1. What made you decide that you wanted a child of your own? Did it happen for you straight away or did you have to wait a while?

I've always wanted a baby, but due to an abusive ex boyfriend beating me to a pulp when i fell pregnant it resulted in severe damage to my reproductive organs. I was told I'd probably never be able to have children. So as anyone else believing they're infertile, I stopped using contraception. Then, over a year later I find out that the doctors were actually wrong and I was going to have a baby. My parents didn't get upset or angry because it genuinely wasn't my fault and they got used to the idea I'd never be able to have children. So Oliver was our very own little miracle who defined all odds. I always needed to fill an empty space left by the loss of my first child and my beautiful little boy helps feed that yearning.

 

2. Have you found that you have any issues with caring for the baby due to the condition that you have? Explain answers.

Well in very bland words, Autistic Spectrum Disorders make you unintentionally selfish so sometimes i get angry at him for excessive crying because i don't have the time to do things i want to do.
At the beginning I struggled to love him because i just couldnt make that connection. As far as i was aware, he didn't exist to me. Just a child that i had to give up all my time to. I had to go against everything i knew and learn to love another human being as i do myself. I got there in the end but its been one of the hardest journeys of my life.

 

3. As far as social services are concerned, how much involvement have you had from them? What kind of feedback are they giving you?

I don't have them involved as much as i expected, but i have the childrens centre people involved (part of social services) But not for the Aspergers, more for my age. On the Aspergers part, they're thinking of referring me to HomeStart, a voluntary service where a careworker will come and help you look after baby so you can go about your business, have a bath, get some housework done etc.

 

4. How are you both finding being parents in general? Is it what you thought it would be like? Or more challenging than you thought it would be? Explain answer.

Dan struggled at the beginning purely because he was just coming out of childhood himself. I got post-natal depression in the first 3 months so my mum had to get 3 months off of work to help us out. Its about a million times harder than we both expected but once you get over the initial shock, it just becomes a daily routine and you do it without thinking.

 

5. In what way has your life changed since having your baby?

I certainly don't have as much free time as i used to. I can't just decide to go for a walk at 3am like i used to. But given that i have a lot of willing family to babysit, i still get to go out to friends parties etc.

 


6. How does your AS affect you? What kind of traits causes you the most issues within your life?

I don't have very much common sense and i don't see the consequences of my actions. Like, I'll put my hand on a burning hot stove, and then do it again. I hate crowds of loud people, it causes me great distress and it can lead to psychotic episodes. I'm not in touch with reality and i struggle to understand whats real and what isn't. I suffer with delusions and for example, for the first 10 years of my life believing i was the next messiah. I believed i could make miracles.

 

7. How did you find your hormones affected you during your pregnancy? Did you find that you're AS traits got worse?

I was stupidly hormonal during my pregnancy. I hated everyone, broke up with Dan several times and then changed my mind 2 hours later. I became obsessed with my ex boyfriend and became suicidal because he wouldn't talk to me anymore. I was really angry all the time and used to cry at stupid little things like tv adverts.

 

8. How does your AS affect your relationships with people who do not have any understanding of your condition? What kind of problems occur because of their lack of understanding, personal ignorance?

I'll use my stepfather as an example. We get into arguments all the time because he doesn't understand that i must fight my opinion till the death until they agree with me. I dislike him because he thinks he knows everything and gets really angry and then throws a strop like a 5yr old because i proved him wrong. My mums tried to explain to him to just back down and not get mad because it makes me upset but to him I'm just an attitudey spoilt brat. His ignorance makes me really angry. 

 

9. Do you feel that AS is a gift or something that holds you back in life? In the future, if your son was diagnosed with the condition, what would be your reaction?

I've always viewed my AS as a gift and even patronised others for not having it. I take pride in knowing that a minority of people view the world the way i do. No one will never know people and understand the world the way i do. It also has made me really intelligent and logical. That, and I've had to try harder to empathise with people so now I'm a pro at it. 
If Oliver was diagnosed with the condition I'd like it to be diagnosed earlier so that we could give him all the support he needs from the start rather than going 16 years thinking hes a freak.

 


10. What are your plans for the future? Are you planning to get a career or some kind of work after the baby reaches school age? Any more kids? Explain answer.

For now Dan will continue to work Part-time. He plans to do a day a week with North Herts Constabulary training to become a Special Officer. He hopes to one day be a Full-Time Police Officer. 

As for me, I'm going to stay at home with Ollie till he's started nursery and then I'm going to a promised position at Addenbrookes Hospital as a Maternity Care Assistant. 
When Ollie's well into the education system and we finally have a home to call our own we plan to have 2 more children and get a dog. 

And live happily ever after...